Is the ripple effect enough? I hope so…

A friend of mine, Dusk, used to ask ‘How is your heart?’ and that feels extra fitting at the moment. 

It's a fkn wild time. Even more wild than usual. Even louder and more disorienting than usual. I won't list the atrocities, both here or globally, I'm certain neither of us need that.
 

It feels almost too obvious to acknowledge this sentiment, but it feels true and sometimes that's all I know how to do, is to say whats true.

And when it's extra disorienting and devastating and scary, I go through so many stages of engaging, fighting, motivation and then exhaustion, overwhelm and despair.

It's uncomfortable, painful, destabilising, but I wouldn't trade it for ignorance or giving up my sensitivity or humanity. Even though it's awful.

I mean sometimes it'd be helpful to be slightly less AFFECTED BY EVERYTHING, but when I'm coming out the other side of a particularly nasty wave, like I am today, I can remember that I'm glad I'm a deeply feeling, thoughtful, community minded person. 

This is why I landed on my mantra style tagline, 'Boldly & Gently', a few years ago, this is my point. That we can have both. That we can hold many layers, multiple things to be true, that everything has nuance. Multiplicity.

And still I forget. 

I forget that big patches of boldness and sacred rage and activism and activation, will take a lot from me, and that I will need to nurture myself before I can be bold again.

That's what happened to me earlier this week, I had many pieces of my life collide, layered with my anger, frustration, despair and grief about global events and the genocidal attacks on Gaza (not to mention all the other occupations, genocides and crisis around the world that folks are also raising awareness about and of course our home grown crisis').

It is gut wrenching. And we are so deeply privileged to be safe and free, tapping away on our 15 different Apple devices...

And so my nervous system went into overdrive. Because I was trying to hold too many things to be a priority at once. My magical retreat afterglow mixed with cashflow concerns, travel anxieties and then the deconstruction of oppressive systems and local and global grief.

So I was forced to go to back to basics. 
I was about to write that I wish that it didn't have to take an extreme physical response for me to listen to my body and go to back to basics, but maybe that is just how it rolls for me sometimes. My passion will push me, my hope for a more progressive future will fuel me, my humanness will unravel me.

Maybe that's just how it is for me. 

Either way I wanted to share with you what helped. 
In case you're feeling the weight is a little too heavy to carry too.

The big ones (for me):

A) Tell someone (you trust) and tell the truth
 

B) Try to shift your perspective to the opposite of what you're doing right now

Ie. if you've zoomed all the way out and you're looking at everything and the big picture and trying to fathom how to solve everything, stop, and zoom back in to the smallest immediate next step in front of you. 

Do you need food, water, a nap?
 

Conversely if you've zoomed all the in and are consumed in your minutia and feel like you can't see anything other than whats in front of you and it feels meaningless, pause, zoom out, think about what matters to you, the impact you're having and the people and things you love.

You might be feeling like everything is too meaningful or some things are meaningless, either way, if you're like me, you need support and perspective. 
So back to option A.

When I told my someones, this is what they offered and what helped:

~ Maintenance mode: Rest, cancelling plans, food, water, help
~ Grounding: walking, shower/water, music, hugs, playing, joy, pleasure
~ External processing: Talking about it all, the complexities, the despair, the darkness, the lightness, the lessons, the options, the solutions
~ Tiny tiny actions: Moving forward but at a glacial pace with a bucket of self compassion. More cancelling plans. More toddler time. More takeaway food. More work time that actually helps. Emailing my MP.

And remembering that we can affect change but not when our nervous system is shot. We cannot be any good to anyone if we're not well. We can't think straight let alone advocate, support or act. 

So we rest, then we rise. 

Then we rest again. Then we rise again.

There are so many systems that are broken and so many people that deserve so much better, so when you are well enough, what is your starting point? What is the thing that can be your focus, your contribution? What is meaningful to you?

How can you use your skills, passion, wisdom to make things that matter and therefore have a meaningful impact?

Either in 15mins today or a 6month long project, it all helps.

I wrote this note to myself as a pep talk amongst the chaos and angst, maybe there's some words here that will validate you too:

Excruciating & Extraordinary

Life is too short & too long, 
too brutal & too beautiful,
to not make things that mean something.

So let’s make the thing that’s meaningful. 
Let’s make the impact that matters.

To you, your people, your community, the world.
It’s a ripple effect. I know that, deep down I know that. 

I help folks make meaningful things. 
We go gently on ourselves and boldly on the world. 
So we can shift money, power and wisdom, into the hands of folks who will do things differently.

Cos the current shit isn’t working so we have to actively demand something different. We have to model what’s possible. We have to fight for change, in micro moments, inside our homes and on the streets.

I must trust in the unseen ripple effect. I am fighting for the ripple effect. 
That can be enough for now, in this season. 
When I can do more I will, boldly and gently.

We are both excruciatingly human and extraordinarily powerful.
Leave room for both.

***********

I hope there is some solace and solidarity here for you.

I don't have all the answers, maybe not even any of them, but I know I can keep trying to tell the truth.

Sending you so much love and grace and sacred rage solidarity.

With you in the mess and the magic.

So much love, Sarah x

PS. If you're looking for a small way to feel less powerless, I have been following and donating here, they share small projects all the time and $5 or $10 can really help. 

Dreamtime Aroha: https://www.instagram.com/dreamtime_aroha/